Crash & Burn - Whirlpool

Many times a day I often find myself contemplating a lot on ifs, buts, whys, and hows trying to explain the quantum of haphazard events that circle our life of unpredictability. I believe it was just this weekend that I watched a movie (for the nth time) with John Statham in lead, but it wasn't the rippling plot or his adrenalin rush action that spotted my eye this time, it was something different. It was the mention of Chaos Theory and how certain random events in life unfold in such a way that there is a symmetric causative equation in the end that can explain each and every action for the reason to follow one another leading to an end result. While anybody reading or hearing this for the first time might find it confusing..please don't let it go above your head. Maybe if you could look it up in Wikipedia, you might find some substantian explaination that will explain this without sounding too chaotic to our sensible brain. Nevertheless, my everyday contemplations have never yielded in me coming up with substantial evidence to prove that the chaotic events in my life are in fact result of a well-thought out theory with reasoning behind every random event. Perhaps I haven't mastered the the art of uncovering the mysteries of life.. but even If I did.. in the end would it be enough to make me believe it is the reality? After all, my basis of reasoning would be based on a mere 'theory' as opposed to a confirmed fact. It could very well be a fact over fiction dilemma. But, let me spare my thoughts on what I believe to be a clue to realizing when Chaos enters our life and just how do we go about it without being caught up in the whirlpool of emotions.

First thought that comes to my mind that is a causative reaction to a Chaos is 'regrets'. Yes, it is an ugly word that is not often mentioned in any successful person's life. But, yet we cannot omit that there comes that phase of life where every corner you turn, you seem to find another reason to regret an action that you did, an event that occurred, or worst missing out on an event that you realize could be life-changing. Why oh why do man have the fallacy of falling in the trap created by our own minds, where we suffer through the idiosyncrasies of seeing what we believe as opposed to be believing what we see. Of late, I find myself trapped in this labyrinth and when it proves to show no opening to let some air in, the suffocation of our regrets can actually cause our brain to stop functioning, and hand over all sensibilities to our betrayed heart. I often wonder if we believe Chaos is not part of our life, and we chose to be ignorant would our lives be any different? Would we have finally mastered the art of control over what we perceive and not to let any single ounce of doubt to seep into our sponge-like brain? It is hard to say.. because just as we speak, we may have doubts about whether this whole Chaos theory will ever really work in real life. You may find yourself conducting extensive research in your past events, and jumping to conclusions that all happens for a reason and that there are no alternative realities in life. True, we are facing a cold faced truth.. a fact that has been known for ages. We live and die only once and we do not for any reason have any inclination to believe that we parallel perform in different realities, thereby making our reality a mere channel in the intricate labyrinth. As lucrative as that may sound, we again fall to our favorite enemy, the element of doubt. We inhibit our minds to believe what we feel is right, and what will make us in return look right as well. The fallacy of man is his own selfishness. If you think we don't need a blogger like me pointing out any such strong contradictions about mankind, then you may remain to be a mere spectator. But, if you are like me, who wants to see past the pink rainbow, then perhaps it might be clear to you that we as humans are meant to crash and burn from time to time.

So who says that we don't necessarily see that happening to anyone else around us.. How many times have we sat in a bar, at home, or at the park and wondered.. why me? why only me? Why not the drunkard next to me, the dumb idiot whom we call a boss, our very own best friend whom we are jealous secretively. Are we not competitive by nature? And don't we let our competitiveness show from time to time, when it comes to resulting degree of happiness, Money, status, promotions.. we all will in a jiffy point our fingers to the other person and say.. she got it. why didn't i. And just like I am pointing fingers, someone might be pointing one at me as we speak. Why do we choose to not see the alternative reaction.. that we might be subject to the same harsh reality as someone else? Why must our reasoning hinder us into understanding that justice, only where we are involved, is not prevailing? I will tell you why.. it is because of how we are trained to think. We are intrinsic in understanding that all men are equal, but we all have the inhibition in believing it. We often tend to believe that we are either lesser or more important than the one next to us..and this leads us to always see the other person with a competitive nature. And you know what happens when a person who is on top of the game, suddenly slips and falls way behind in the pile? That person, God Forbid, loses his sanity and literally fights his way back to the top.. or lurks in the bottom cursing and swearing at every person who climbs up in front of him. And more often than not, I have been finding myself in the bottom of the pile, when no one or nothing has pushed me down there. So I am sensing some faux pas.

Could it be that instead of a reaction coming from an exterior motive, there is actually an interior demon that is causing someone like me to really believe that we are in the bottom of the pile, when all we have done is just perhaps stepped down two or four steps? What I have come to realize is that if I start believing what my inner giant wants me to believe, then I end up in a Chaos. And while every single time Chaos Theory can be uncovered with an end result, in my case, more often than not the highlights of the chaos theory itself tire me out, and the end result is never promising enough to make me believe it is reality. While on the other hand, if I chose to reject the perceptions my mind is playing with me, then it results in a different alternative Chaos Theory, where every single previous action has resulted in unleashing this inner giant that is playing mind games. So where do I stand? Many a times the questions I ask lead me to only more questions.

The only way I have been able to come to an understanding is that Crashing and Burning is an essential part of my cycle of events. I don't know and probably should not care too much about how others work, but my lessons in life are hard lessons learnt. So what If I have to feel like shit from time to time to make myself understand that the Chaos Equation is truly being chaotic. Maybe creating more chaos in a chaotic situation is just my way of finding a clear indication or reasoning to see the truth beyond all. Truth of the matter is in the end of the day, I cannot let go of the truth that I believe is true, which is that I am unique. I was and always will be. So, it remains to be seen if I compete with my inner demons, or the exterior dust particles. Every whirlpool will lead us to a final path.. and although mine is on overdrive, I cannot but see the light in the end of the whilrling tunnel called life.