An Indian short story...

It was a bright sunny morning in Mohandas Nagar. The birds on the trees were chirping in an orchestral fashion. The Deepkumar residence was bustling with activity. A beautiful mansion with five rooms, a beautiful corridor, a back-lawn and a room full of people which consisted the Deepkumar joint family. Neena Aunty was seen decorating the steps of the house with a traditional rangoli marking the official start of her daily chores.

She shouts "Raghuu..." as she goes in. Raghu, her oldest son is the most serious and stern personality to say the least of the lot.

"Yes Mamaa. I will be at the bus stop to receive them well ahead of time. Cash for the Sabziwala is kept in the second drawer".

"Oh.. I know where you always keep them, now run along and don't forget to give them a warm welcome smile, or even a hug". Neena sure made Raghu cringe and all he gave back was a nod with a frown.

As he got in to the autorickshaw, the auto driver cleaning the glass spoke in a local dialect "what a beautiful day it is.. isn't it?"

"Yes.. Ramu kaka, my brother's family is visiting from Mumbai. So off to the bus stop." said Raghu.

Ramukaka hid his smile, knowing Raghu from his teenage years, they were no longer just a driver and client, but it goes much more than that. But, neither character is one for showing their overly affectionate side. Yet they have stayed true with each other all this while. As great friends, Ramukaka always makes special reservations only for Raghu's family.

The scene at the bus stop was one of major chaos. The bus had arrived and Karapchand Deepkumar got down with his wife, his two sons Rohit and Meeth. Ramu kaka stopped the auto closer to the bus, not minding the "no-autos" sign as he knew the town and the townspeople very well.

"RAGHU" Karapchand shouted and waved his hand. Catching Raghu's attention, he came along and both brothers exchanged pleasantaries. They hurdled into the autos as Ramukaka had already arranged with his fellow auto drivers and headed back home.

At the house, giggles and loud talking could be heard as all the cousins had come over to join the reunion. Of those, Neena Aunty fondly hugged Deepa who was a young meek girl, naughty as a kid, but had grown up to be a fine young bride. She promised Neena Aunty that she will be staying until the end of this month. Honking horn sounds of the autos woke everyone up from their trance and the welcoming party was a sight to see. Karapchand overwhelmed and excited got down and hugged and exchanged pleasantries with everyone. The 'aarti' was brought out by Neena aunty and Karapchand gave out coins to Rohit and Meeth for putting on it.

Rohit said "Oh no Pops.. I got this one." and took out a wallet jingling with coins and notes.

Karapchand chuckled and said with pride "Yes, yes, I know. You are now a working lad who can handle your finances all by yourself".

Meeth snatched both the coins from his dad saying "Aah.. but I am still not! So any spare money is more money for me!"

Everyone laughed and Neena Aunty ruffled both her grandsons' hair, especially stopping at Rohit, saying "with every growing year, you are looking more and more like Raghu". Rohit tried his best to not show his embarassment and Meeth's eyes were grinning. But, taking this moment a bit further, Deepa stepped in and said "yes yes would you look at the resemblance!" If it were young years, Rohit would have by now chased Deepa around the house for this, but now he has immense respect for his cousin sister since she got on the stage as a young bride. He could hardly recognize her then..and even now he still can't believe how mature she looks.

"Come on in everyone or we will be late for lunch" echoed Raghu's voice and everyone barged into the house in anticipation.

As the luggage was brought in by Ramu kaka and friends, Rohit said "oh, give me that suitcase. I need it for my trip to South Park." Deepa exclaimed "Whattt.. but you just arrived!!!". Karapchand's wife sighed saying "yes. who would have thought vacation was a non existing concept in today's corporations. He says he has to attend this class held in Southpark."

"Its a seminar and you know that I really want to go, right?"replied Rohit.

"Yes yes I know.. now you be careful with your suitcase and keep it separate from the rest of the luggage" said his mom rolling her eyes before going to help others in the kitchen.

After lunch, the family dispersed in the huge house, women primarily occupying the bedroom and men lazing around in the hall. A burst of laughter was heard and in came Tamanna with her drenched churidhar scolding Meeth all the way.

"Why do you have to do this everytime??"

"Why do you have to fall for this everytime???"mocked Meeth right behind.

Giving high-five to Meeth was Sahil who calls himself Superstar Sullivan for some reason. His sense of humor is unbeatable and gets even stronger when he partners up with Meeth.

Rohit and Deepa joined them, as Tamanna and Deepa were best of friends and not to mention classmates from 1st grade.

Rohit said "whats the plan now?"

And Tamanna said "well there is a huge Thai expose in North cross Avenue, and people from all over the world will be there". "Especially lots of foriegn girls", she added with a chuckle.

"Well, then what are we waiting for. Let's Go!" exclaimed Meeth.

"Not so fast bro, I need to check my train schedule." said Rohit as Raghu came by. Raghu gave the ticket to Rohit saying "The train leaves at 3 :00 PM sharp, so you may want to be there on time."

Just then Rohit's mom exclaimed "But, son you haven't packed your bag yet."

Rohit discarded his mom's concern saying "oh mom, I can take care of it as soon as I come back!"

Off they headed to the Thai expose, which was completely unbelievable. People from all over the world had gathered. Music was heard miles away from North Cross Street. As Rohit and Deepa were walking, Tamanna barged in from behind shouting "Rohiiiiit.. can you please tell this annoying bro of yours to get off my back. I can't bear the PJ's anymore..Arghh!"

Giggling and giving high-five's were Meeth and Sahil. Sahil made his funny face and Meeth burst into laughter. "Now, guys aren't you both getting a lil old for this pitter patter?" voiced Deepa.

"Yeah agreed. Meeth, listen to what Deepa Mami has to say" said Rohit and giggled along with Meeth, Sahil and Tamanna. "Aah not you tooo!!!" exclaimed Deepa.

As the five entered North Cross Street, their eyes went wide with surprise. "WOW" exclaimed someone one beside them. They couldn't believe how beautiful it was. Huge Thai dancing dolls like skyscrapers, each one very beautifully articulated stood before their eyes. After spending quality time looking over each and every artefact in display, they snatched their icecream and started to head home as it was close to 3 PM and Rohit decided to bid adieu to Tamanna, Sahil, and Meeth saying that he had to return home sooner in order to get packed and ready to go to the railway station. Deepa volunteered to accompany Rohit back home and help him get to the station as well.

As the two entered home, Rohit's mom was waiting in the doorway scolding "how long have you taken. I told you that I could have packed your bags." Rohit ignored his mom and went straight to the suitcase. Deepa followed him saying "Don't worry. All moms can never accept that their kids have grown up. It's a flaw in their job requirement you see." Hearing this, Rohit chuckled and resumed packing his suit and other clothes into an old airbag. Raghu entered then saying "Ramukaka is waiting for you outside with his autorickshaw near the Banyan tree." "Nandini, isn't there any other airbag other than this old one that you could have given to Rohit" quipped Raghu to his wife. Deepa exclaimed "Dad.. it's just a three day seminar. He will not need anything bigger than this." Rohit agreed saying "Yes, Uncle. It is a call-center L&S internship, and with so many people around, no one is going to bother about even their clothes."

Deepa insisted on leaving Rohit in the station, and Raghu informed that Ramukaka will always be with them. As both Deepa and Rohit came out they found no sign of Ramu kaka or his auto. And then from nowwhere, Ramukaka came from behind saying "Didnt Raghu Bhaiyya tell you that I was waiting by the Banyan tree?" Deepa exclaimed "Sorry kaka. No time for this. Step on the rickshaw.. its almost 3 PM!"

The station was overly crowded and as Ramukaka got down with the heavy airbag, Deepa and Rohit were already heading to the line in front of the Booking counter. When Rohit got his chance in front of the counter, he realized he had already missed the train as it had come 10 minutes early. But he had trouble asking the man for more details. So he came out and called Deepa saying "hmm.. could you like explain to him that I need to reserve my ticket in the next train." Deepa hurried in and asked in the local dialect "When is the next train?" The man checked his register and said "3:15 PM" Deepa looked at the watch and it showed 3:11. "Oh Gosh, please give the ticket. Can we catch this train?" she asked. The man replied "Yeah you should be able to." Deepa and Rohit rushed to the platform with Ramukaka carrying the bag right behind them.

The platform was filled with people, many of them from the Thai expose. It was 3:19 PM and the train was late. Deepa insisted Ramukaka that he go back to the auto, as in a hurry he had parked in a no-parking zone. But Ramukaka refused saying "I have given my word to Raghu Bhaiyya that I will not let you children out of my sight." Sounds of the train's siren came loud as it approached the station. Initial commotion on the platform died down into gasps and exclaims of confusion as the train pulled into the platform slowly. Each compartment had been blown in with only ragged broken structures standing in place of the compartments. On top of each of these blown structures were men in dirty filthy khaki uniforms holding what looked like guns. The train pulled to a halt. The platform was almost quiet now as the man with bloodshot eyes holding a gun spoke in loud banging voice "Nobody Move.. if your life is dear to you."

More men climbed out of the torn apart train holding guns on to the platform. The bloodshot eyes man said "I want everybody to just stay put and hand over all the jewellery and money on to a pile in the platform and leave the station quietly." After a second of silence the reaction was a mixture of fear, alarm, anger and all put together. Three brave men came forward and said "you are not going to just get away with this. Tara Singh brothers are not cowards." The leader with bloodshot eyes, as he looked like one, calmly came to them and said "I am impressed that you are brave.. brave enough to die for others.." and three gunshots filled the air with smoke as all the three brothers stooped down and fell to the floor instantly dead.

Nobody spoke and the only other sound that could be heard was an eagle's wail far away, along with a woman's slow sobs as she removed her jewellery one by one..

It was starting to grow dark, Tamanna, Meeth and Sahil were munching on popcorn discussing their best moments at the Thai expose. Tamanna exclaimed how she loved the moving doll fashion show that changed costumes automatically. Sahil exclaimed that his best moment was running from the Icecream walla ; he ran away with his icecream.. calling himself Superstar Sullivan trying to impress the German babes that he indeed was treated like a King in his hometown. Meeth and Tamanna chuckled at Sahil's goofy ways. "So, Meeth.. what was your favorite moment?" "Mine?" said Meeth.. "mine is yet to come.. like right now.." as he put popcorn on Tamanna's head. Insulted and angry Tamanna removed the popcorn bits and entered into an area that had chains on the gate with a "NO TRESSPASSING- Closed for Work" sign.

Meeth changed the subject saying "Hey.. isn't this our playground where we used to play."

"Yeah.." said Tamanna, "But now.. with all the trees, it looks more like a Jungle Park to me. Some hotel is going to be built here I guess." Sahil went behind one of the trees and said "look on the bright side.. we can now play hide and seek and actually have a place to hide!" Both Tamanna and Meeth chuckled. Meeth said "Ah.. but Tamanna can't hide her big head that easily."

"THATS ENOUGH! Now you have gone too far.. Arghhh" shouted Tamanna chasing behind Meeth. Screeching of Tires and a loud crash on the gates tied with chains caught their attention. A huge limo like car had braked at the last moment very harshly. One window had crashed into the chains causing it to break halfway.

"LEAVE HER ALONE! I said I am coming with you, right?" shouted a young man's voice from inside the car. Muffled voices of men could be heard and the car screeched on its wheels as it sped away. A woman with a gagging cloth in her mouth could be seen from broken side of the window with armed men around. Meeth exclaimed "That's Rohit's Voice!" and simultaneously Tamanna cried in alarm "And that's Deepa, my best friend!"

"They have been Kidnapped!!!" exclaimed Sahil as Meeth and Tamanna gasped in horror!

It is up to these three to save them. Will they be able to? How will they?

Tune in to know more next time!

Midnight Snack - Nibble of Thoughts

While a few years ago, I would find myself sitting in the same spot.. gazing at my dinosaur aged computer PC.. munching away on a bag of whatsoever leftover snacks I could find in the pantry..while the gentle snores of family members can be heard; I reminisce walking in stealth mode under a tip-toeing spell to the restroom in da middle of the night..and those gentle clicks on the keyboard keys..with multiple windows open.. ok so.. before i get lost in this maze of flashbacks..let's flash past those young teenage days to the now.. much more boring.. yet still finding herself in confusing situations..woman of today. While somethings never change, some things end up changing us instead! So here I am..gazing at my sleek laptop LCD screen..(which still feels like a dinosaur compared to an iphone/tablet)..and instead of munching on high-calorie sorts.. I'm nibbling on high-quality thoughts!

It was a lazy summer day and after all that movie watching, eating good food, a mid-day slumber was nothing short of bliss! But wait, don't all the good things come back and bite us in our asses? Think of it the same way, you let yourself enjoy a relaxing day..and you end up like me with restless nights! Yes, there have been nights like these before.. but I never ventured to see an ounce of reasoning in waking up and blogging my thoughts, I just rolled over to the other side and snored away to glory! What makes it different now is of course a handy laptop that stays on almost 24 hours..and the fact that I am all the way on the other side of the universe...stripped away from family..and busy making my own family with my Mr. Right! I haven't put into words how I happen to meet Mr. Right or how I decided he was indeed Mr. Right.. well the fact is no, I didn't really decide.. obviously that's not why I married him.. I married him because he was my Mr. Love..and in love there is no right or wrong.. there is only.. love! My everyday is spent in experiencing how much of my love is right for me..and wondering whether I am making it wrong for him! Hehe..So while my thoughts are muddled, my fingers still seem to want to keep typing on!

You know how easy it is sometimes to talk for hours about someone you may have met just yesterday, or about something that happened just last night. Well, if you are like me, you would have heard every single torrid detail until you realize that you might as well have been there in person! But, despite this instinsic capabilities, there are certain major ordeals in life when you may seem to be scrambling for words.. My life is just like that! There is just so much emotion, passion and deep feelings involved with this person I call Mr. Right..that so many times I sat down and tried to jot down my thoughts..and every time I felt like I was sounding like a hallmark greeting card! The thoughts and feelings I have for him.. is just so.. mystical... strange yet familiar... new yet reminiscent.. full of happiness yet pinch of fear and sadness..ugh! why is it soo hard??

Sometimes I wonder if the fact that the relationship with him is an in-explainable phenomenon that makes it a real worthy one. If you are like me, a Scorpio, we have this tendency to always analyze every person like he is a test frog and want to dissect every single aspect and action to tag a right emotion category. While I have conducted several tests..so much so that I could be called the PhD of annoying questions, I have never been able to decipher just what it is about him that makes me want to come back and dig in deeper and deeper. We Scorpios have a dangerous capability of never sticking to one thing for too long, and we can.. mind my words.. be easily 'bored' due to our over-excited colorful personalities. But hey, that didn't stop me yet.. and God knows why, I believe that this is exactly why I have not stopped being me as well! Because somehow by strange set of circumstances, filled in with fairy-tale romance like storyline.. I have finally been able to shrug off the odd quirky self-doubting personality to pave way to an understanding loving person..which believe it or not.. never knew I had it in me!!! But..when it comes to describing my life with this Mr. Right.. I describe it the only way I know that justifies it strongly...and that is.. FUN! Yes, there is never a dull moment.. all the drama, action, comedy, and tragedy is in-built in me, and therefore my relationship..with him!

But he is different....I have come to realize.. he is very unlike any person I have ever known.. yet still has that oddly familiar streaks that makes him much more lovable. Maybe that is how it should be.. you should not be in that comparison mode at all..because that would make your Mr. Right at some panel equivalent to the other choices. And in my case, he surpasses everyone a mile or couple of hundred miles at stance. I am aware of how some people have this annoying habit of always trying to compare their siblings, their little ones, or their loved ones to the ones of their neighbor's and come up with some kind of a psychological checklist. I say.. BullSh*t. You know how much it annoys you when your parents may do it, and if you are a self-righteous parent or wife/husband.. you woudn't dare to venture into that misconstrued avenue. And I for one completely stand by my understanding that no one should stoop as low as to think life is a contest where you send your loved ones on the stage to see who can win with the most votes! Even if the rest of the world might applause you, that is a Big Time No-No and Boo's from the relationship point of view. Relationships are not social bait, they are your personal fate!

So while my fingers kept typing on, I have come to realize that it's ok. It's OK if I need not be able to decipher my Mr. Right.. because he is.. the most prized Enigma of my life! And I also realized that it is allright to not be able to express every bit of my feelings about my relationship.. because one can never see the whole picture of the world while we are still in it. And I for that matter prefer it that way..because it keeps me looking forward to every waking day..and gaze upon him with all the love and humility..knowing that I have just nibbled his surface..and I have my entire lifetime to learn and love every single moment spent with him.

Marriage - Institution or Prostitution?

I am fully aware that the title is sounding very scandalous as it is, but a shocking statement is befitting the state of affairs in today's society. I always like to start my post by posing a question and this time around I shall do the same. Ask anyone you know what is the most important thing that he would like to have? While I have not researched the answers prior to writing this, I can give a fairly good guess that the top two answers that are most likely to be popular are "love" and "money".

By now you must have realized that I have a tendency to psycho-analyze every single event or thought, that I come across and today's topic is merely another agenda. The way I look at these two answers, love and money, are that one symbolizes independence while the other dependence. Let me explain. Everyone of us have dreamt of how we will live luxuriously. Even if we achieve a certain amount of luxury, money is still a prized possession no matter which class of society you hail from, rich or poor. So what makes money such a lucrative possession? If you think about it in layman terms, I believe the single fact that money can give you the independence to spend it the way you want, buy things that you want, or go to places that you want, explains plenty. So a simple equation of having the utopian control over how we want to lead our lives is the epiphany of how much money we tend to have. So we could say that in a distorted way, Money in today's generation is a signature of our independence. Period. I can hear people saying material things aren't everything, but let's face it.. money is and probably will be the only most important asset any human in this world would covet or fight over. Now moving on to our other answer, every single human has a natural instinct towards feelings and showcasing them upon one another. A person looking for 'love' is necessarily a person looking for someone to depend on, to bank on when times get rough, or when times get happy or sad. Even a person having the independence of money will not be able to substantiate his stand without the dependence of his co-members of society. To be specific, a person achieves many things, but he can never achieve love, he can only earn it. And in order to earn it, you need to depend on someone to give it you. So, this brings us to the next equation of how love is the true form of dependence. While sometimes love can be bought, as in the case of prostitution, nevertheless we humans rely on this dependence and we strive on it all our lives to find that true soul who can provide it to us for free.

I believe a positive harmony of love and money, where independence meets dependence and together they form an 'union', is when a marriage is born. It becomes an institution when we give ourselves guidelines such as love each other until we die, be there for them through sickness and health, and most of all learn to be selfless in sharing our love and money. But this kind of utopia is currently non-existent. Every person has a selfish reason to be with someone, and although we may do acts of love and sacrifice, not all marriages are an equal equation. There are unbalanced marriages out there that are striving purely on 'tolerance'. When the tolerance level decreases dangerously, the equation breaks and divorces into fragments. While we see the negative aspect of this positive union, what if from the starting there is a disharmony of love and money where one buys the love from another through money. Well, don't we see this happening a lot nowadays? So many celebrity marriages, and sometimes even your friends and relatives tend to make a decision to marry someone based on their social standing and jingling fat pockets. Are they any less than prostitution??? Why not! Now, I know prostitution is an ugly word and not everyone wants to use due to its context of 'sex'. But, if we consider sex to be an act of love, we can call love as a derivative of sex in the terms of prostitution. I think nonetheless of what we believe, we do see a huge imbalance of how people mix love and sex and money to make an ugly affair of their lives. Almost all the marriages that end up in a shipwreck must have started in disputes related to money, and the selfishness towards asking a price for all the care and affection that we provide.

In olden days, men tend to scrutinize women for their role in society to the extent where it was considered prestige for a woman to be wed, no matter how old or how bad her relationship with the man is, and a woman who is unwed was considered an outcast. So many women would have felt it a boon to be married in the first place, and therefore they were pretty much happy with their place in the society, to be known as someone's wife. That may have been enough then, but that is not the case today. We, women are looking for self-worth and identity. We need the independence of doing what we want and the dependence of being associated with a man. So when we find a lot of marriages breaking up, we tend to see a pattern in how dissatisfied the woman could be if she finds herself a mere shadow of someone else' personality. So the institution with guidelines have broken down today and are no longer valid. Every person is on his own and he/she soley becomes responsible for their happiness or wreckage in this life. Not to say that men dont play a part in marriage, I just wanted to give a woman's perspective. If a woman marries a man only to eat off his assets and just be an eye candy to be showcased everywhere, I believe it is the man who has become the prostitute. He is being used for his money and his love is no more valuable than himself.

I know that for ages we have come to realize that marriage is one of the most significant event occurring in a person's life, but whether we really do understand the concept of love and money and how their integration can easily lead a marriage from an institution into a prostitution is my food for thought for the day.

Crash & Burn - Whirlpool

Many times a day I often find myself contemplating a lot on ifs, buts, whys, and hows trying to explain the quantum of haphazard events that circle our life of unpredictability. I believe it was just this weekend that I watched a movie (for the nth time) with John Statham in lead, but it wasn't the rippling plot or his adrenalin rush action that spotted my eye this time, it was something different. It was the mention of Chaos Theory and how certain random events in life unfold in such a way that there is a symmetric causative equation in the end that can explain each and every action for the reason to follow one another leading to an end result. While anybody reading or hearing this for the first time might find it confusing..please don't let it go above your head. Maybe if you could look it up in Wikipedia, you might find some substantian explaination that will explain this without sounding too chaotic to our sensible brain. Nevertheless, my everyday contemplations have never yielded in me coming up with substantial evidence to prove that the chaotic events in my life are in fact result of a well-thought out theory with reasoning behind every random event. Perhaps I haven't mastered the the art of uncovering the mysteries of life.. but even If I did.. in the end would it be enough to make me believe it is the reality? After all, my basis of reasoning would be based on a mere 'theory' as opposed to a confirmed fact. It could very well be a fact over fiction dilemma. But, let me spare my thoughts on what I believe to be a clue to realizing when Chaos enters our life and just how do we go about it without being caught up in the whirlpool of emotions.

First thought that comes to my mind that is a causative reaction to a Chaos is 'regrets'. Yes, it is an ugly word that is not often mentioned in any successful person's life. But, yet we cannot omit that there comes that phase of life where every corner you turn, you seem to find another reason to regret an action that you did, an event that occurred, or worst missing out on an event that you realize could be life-changing. Why oh why do man have the fallacy of falling in the trap created by our own minds, where we suffer through the idiosyncrasies of seeing what we believe as opposed to be believing what we see. Of late, I find myself trapped in this labyrinth and when it proves to show no opening to let some air in, the suffocation of our regrets can actually cause our brain to stop functioning, and hand over all sensibilities to our betrayed heart. I often wonder if we believe Chaos is not part of our life, and we chose to be ignorant would our lives be any different? Would we have finally mastered the art of control over what we perceive and not to let any single ounce of doubt to seep into our sponge-like brain? It is hard to say.. because just as we speak, we may have doubts about whether this whole Chaos theory will ever really work in real life. You may find yourself conducting extensive research in your past events, and jumping to conclusions that all happens for a reason and that there are no alternative realities in life. True, we are facing a cold faced truth.. a fact that has been known for ages. We live and die only once and we do not for any reason have any inclination to believe that we parallel perform in different realities, thereby making our reality a mere channel in the intricate labyrinth. As lucrative as that may sound, we again fall to our favorite enemy, the element of doubt. We inhibit our minds to believe what we feel is right, and what will make us in return look right as well. The fallacy of man is his own selfishness. If you think we don't need a blogger like me pointing out any such strong contradictions about mankind, then you may remain to be a mere spectator. But, if you are like me, who wants to see past the pink rainbow, then perhaps it might be clear to you that we as humans are meant to crash and burn from time to time.

So who says that we don't necessarily see that happening to anyone else around us.. How many times have we sat in a bar, at home, or at the park and wondered.. why me? why only me? Why not the drunkard next to me, the dumb idiot whom we call a boss, our very own best friend whom we are jealous secretively. Are we not competitive by nature? And don't we let our competitiveness show from time to time, when it comes to resulting degree of happiness, Money, status, promotions.. we all will in a jiffy point our fingers to the other person and say.. she got it. why didn't i. And just like I am pointing fingers, someone might be pointing one at me as we speak. Why do we choose to not see the alternative reaction.. that we might be subject to the same harsh reality as someone else? Why must our reasoning hinder us into understanding that justice, only where we are involved, is not prevailing? I will tell you why.. it is because of how we are trained to think. We are intrinsic in understanding that all men are equal, but we all have the inhibition in believing it. We often tend to believe that we are either lesser or more important than the one next to us..and this leads us to always see the other person with a competitive nature. And you know what happens when a person who is on top of the game, suddenly slips and falls way behind in the pile? That person, God Forbid, loses his sanity and literally fights his way back to the top.. or lurks in the bottom cursing and swearing at every person who climbs up in front of him. And more often than not, I have been finding myself in the bottom of the pile, when no one or nothing has pushed me down there. So I am sensing some faux pas.

Could it be that instead of a reaction coming from an exterior motive, there is actually an interior demon that is causing someone like me to really believe that we are in the bottom of the pile, when all we have done is just perhaps stepped down two or four steps? What I have come to realize is that if I start believing what my inner giant wants me to believe, then I end up in a Chaos. And while every single time Chaos Theory can be uncovered with an end result, in my case, more often than not the highlights of the chaos theory itself tire me out, and the end result is never promising enough to make me believe it is reality. While on the other hand, if I chose to reject the perceptions my mind is playing with me, then it results in a different alternative Chaos Theory, where every single previous action has resulted in unleashing this inner giant that is playing mind games. So where do I stand? Many a times the questions I ask lead me to only more questions.

The only way I have been able to come to an understanding is that Crashing and Burning is an essential part of my cycle of events. I don't know and probably should not care too much about how others work, but my lessons in life are hard lessons learnt. So what If I have to feel like shit from time to time to make myself understand that the Chaos Equation is truly being chaotic. Maybe creating more chaos in a chaotic situation is just my way of finding a clear indication or reasoning to see the truth beyond all. Truth of the matter is in the end of the day, I cannot let go of the truth that I believe is true, which is that I am unique. I was and always will be. So, it remains to be seen if I compete with my inner demons, or the exterior dust particles. Every whirlpool will lead us to a final path.. and although mine is on overdrive, I cannot but see the light in the end of the whilrling tunnel called life.