Midnight Snack - Nibble of Thoughts

While a few years ago, I would find myself sitting in the same spot.. gazing at my dinosaur aged computer PC.. munching away on a bag of whatsoever leftover snacks I could find in the pantry..while the gentle snores of family members can be heard; I reminisce walking in stealth mode under a tip-toeing spell to the restroom in da middle of the night..and those gentle clicks on the keyboard keys..with multiple windows open.. ok so.. before i get lost in this maze of flashbacks..let's flash past those young teenage days to the now.. much more boring.. yet still finding herself in confusing situations..woman of today. While somethings never change, some things end up changing us instead! So here I am..gazing at my sleek laptop LCD screen..(which still feels like a dinosaur compared to an iphone/tablet)..and instead of munching on high-calorie sorts.. I'm nibbling on high-quality thoughts!

It was a lazy summer day and after all that movie watching, eating good food, a mid-day slumber was nothing short of bliss! But wait, don't all the good things come back and bite us in our asses? Think of it the same way, you let yourself enjoy a relaxing day..and you end up like me with restless nights! Yes, there have been nights like these before.. but I never ventured to see an ounce of reasoning in waking up and blogging my thoughts, I just rolled over to the other side and snored away to glory! What makes it different now is of course a handy laptop that stays on almost 24 hours..and the fact that I am all the way on the other side of the universe...stripped away from family..and busy making my own family with my Mr. Right! I haven't put into words how I happen to meet Mr. Right or how I decided he was indeed Mr. Right.. well the fact is no, I didn't really decide.. obviously that's not why I married him.. I married him because he was my Mr. Love..and in love there is no right or wrong.. there is only.. love! My everyday is spent in experiencing how much of my love is right for me..and wondering whether I am making it wrong for him! Hehe..So while my thoughts are muddled, my fingers still seem to want to keep typing on!

You know how easy it is sometimes to talk for hours about someone you may have met just yesterday, or about something that happened just last night. Well, if you are like me, you would have heard every single torrid detail until you realize that you might as well have been there in person! But, despite this instinsic capabilities, there are certain major ordeals in life when you may seem to be scrambling for words.. My life is just like that! There is just so much emotion, passion and deep feelings involved with this person I call Mr. Right..that so many times I sat down and tried to jot down my thoughts..and every time I felt like I was sounding like a hallmark greeting card! The thoughts and feelings I have for him.. is just so.. mystical... strange yet familiar... new yet reminiscent.. full of happiness yet pinch of fear and sadness..ugh! why is it soo hard??

Sometimes I wonder if the fact that the relationship with him is an in-explainable phenomenon that makes it a real worthy one. If you are like me, a Scorpio, we have this tendency to always analyze every person like he is a test frog and want to dissect every single aspect and action to tag a right emotion category. While I have conducted several tests..so much so that I could be called the PhD of annoying questions, I have never been able to decipher just what it is about him that makes me want to come back and dig in deeper and deeper. We Scorpios have a dangerous capability of never sticking to one thing for too long, and we can.. mind my words.. be easily 'bored' due to our over-excited colorful personalities. But hey, that didn't stop me yet.. and God knows why, I believe that this is exactly why I have not stopped being me as well! Because somehow by strange set of circumstances, filled in with fairy-tale romance like storyline.. I have finally been able to shrug off the odd quirky self-doubting personality to pave way to an understanding loving person..which believe it or not.. never knew I had it in me!!! But..when it comes to describing my life with this Mr. Right.. I describe it the only way I know that justifies it strongly...and that is.. FUN! Yes, there is never a dull moment.. all the drama, action, comedy, and tragedy is in-built in me, and therefore my relationship..with him!

But he is different....I have come to realize.. he is very unlike any person I have ever known.. yet still has that oddly familiar streaks that makes him much more lovable. Maybe that is how it should be.. you should not be in that comparison mode at all..because that would make your Mr. Right at some panel equivalent to the other choices. And in my case, he surpasses everyone a mile or couple of hundred miles at stance. I am aware of how some people have this annoying habit of always trying to compare their siblings, their little ones, or their loved ones to the ones of their neighbor's and come up with some kind of a psychological checklist. I say.. BullSh*t. You know how much it annoys you when your parents may do it, and if you are a self-righteous parent or wife/husband.. you woudn't dare to venture into that misconstrued avenue. And I for one completely stand by my understanding that no one should stoop as low as to think life is a contest where you send your loved ones on the stage to see who can win with the most votes! Even if the rest of the world might applause you, that is a Big Time No-No and Boo's from the relationship point of view. Relationships are not social bait, they are your personal fate!

So while my fingers kept typing on, I have come to realize that it's ok. It's OK if I need not be able to decipher my Mr. Right.. because he is.. the most prized Enigma of my life! And I also realized that it is allright to not be able to express every bit of my feelings about my relationship.. because one can never see the whole picture of the world while we are still in it. And I for that matter prefer it that way..because it keeps me looking forward to every waking day..and gaze upon him with all the love and humility..knowing that I have just nibbled his surface..and I have my entire lifetime to learn and love every single moment spent with him.